Take a moment to listen to yourself.

We like to think we treat ourselves well; we care for, feed, clothe and generally keep ourselves in good working order. But the more women I help transform, uplift and empower through portrait photography, the more I think about how we talk to ourselves. We might give ourselves everything we need to physically thrive but how do we support our psychological self? How do you talk to yourself about your looks, your current abilities or even your future potential?

It’s hard to believe you can be your own worst critic, always first to point out any faults, missed opportunities or sub-par performances. But it happens, we often fail to celebrate our successes and focus on the bit that went wrong. Down playing the positives and blowing the negatives out of proportion.

I was talking to close friend about careers, when she asked how and why I got to now. I listed my education and experience, having tried A, B, C but “sucking”, being “terrible” or “just not good at it”. When she interrupted “stop you just criticized yourself three times in the last minute”. I instantly burst into tears, not because what she said was hurtful but because it was true. Like so many people; I had told myself, and her, I wasn’t good enough for those things.

Looking back, the truth is that I wasn’t interested in them. Why do we choose to belittle ourselves rather than be honest? We are not going to hurt the feelings of an inanimate thing like a career, sport or activity by saying it truthfully. Are we concerned that others will see us as big headed if we say no to something? Why do we choose to portray ourselves as insufficient instead?

Maybe you’ve been told “You’re being too hard on yourself”, it might be something you don’t like to hear. But know you are not alone; often what we think is personal drive, others see as self criticism; so maybe there’s truth in that too. That although it can be better next time it was still good enough for here and now. 

Everything in life is learned, and if you are not good enough at something it is because you haven’t learned enough to be at the level you want to be. Either because it doesn’t interest you, or you are interested but the time spent learning hasn’t happened yet. They say it takes 10,000 hours to master your craft, so don’t tell yourself you can’t do it when you’ve just started. A wise man once said if it is something you can change, change it, if it’s something you can’t, don’t stress, it will only cause you more pain.

 

Maybe, Just Maybe,

You deserve more ‘you time’ than you give yourself now.

Mother’s Day; that day of the year where we celebrate our beautiful mum’s and all you do for us. Where you can sleep in, relax and spend time doing what makes you happy, without feeling guilty for doing it.

From the outside looking in it often seems that women not only put their children first but everything else in their lives goes before them. We have become a culture of busy. Multitasking has become a demand of our lifestyle; not only do we raise kids, manage households, work hard in our jobs but fit in everything else that’s needed to keep our world turning. It’s tiring just thinking about it. And we give ourselves just one day a year to reward us for all that hard work, 364:1 it’s hardly fair.

It would be unrealistic to say you should set aside a day a week just for you but that the time you do spend on yourself is valuable and not something to feel guilt over. And that maybe, just maybe, you deserve more ‘you time’ than you give yourself now. 

But what about that guilt? That giant red siren that starts screaming in the back of your mind the moment you think of something else to do that’s more important right now. Or if you think someone is watching you have down time and will judge you as vain, irresponsible or neglectful. Guilt is a cruel emotion we torture ourselves with, an excuse we use to put ourselves at the bottom of the ‘to do’ list.

As children we look to our mothers as role models, not only on how to act towards the world around us but also how to treat ourselves. And if, as a mother, you do not take time to build your happiness, put yourself last everyday or even forget to nurture your self-respect, your child will follow suit. Then we’ll look back and wonder why she/he has this mind set, without seeing it in ourselves.

This may be hard to read; but to change it will mean you and future generations will benefit. It’s not to say put yourself before your children but you deserve to be equal. Love and care is not tangible and limited, it is infinite; you do not take love away from your children by giving yourself more. Like they say, a smile is contagious, so is self-love and self worth.

Why not set a date to do one thing each month that you really enjoy, that you don’t often get time to do and keep the promise with yourself by doing it. Share something you’re good at and teach your children your skills. Tackle one thing that challenges you, trust me you will be proud of yourself and teach your son or daughter to overcome their fears. Share a photograph you love of yourself with those who love you, if you don’t have one go get one. You deserve to buy that luxury item you desperately want rather than something average. Get dressed up and take your kids out to dinner or enjoy a family-night-in.

So value yourself more, live with less guilt - it will make you happier, more confident and increase yourself worth. Not only will this make you a nicer person to be around, your children will start to act as you do. They will learn to be just like you; happy, confident and know the value of thier abilities and self worth. A strong woman will raise a strong child.

 

 

 

Creating timeless photos of women and those they love. Photography for the heart and portraits of the soul...

Make moments into memories with those you love,
Call now to book and get your prints in time for Mothers Day, Sunday, May 10th.

Let me introduce you to the beautiful Campbell family...

I had the honour of photographing them last year and they really are one of the nicest families I have ever worked with, so happy and bubbly. Mum and Daughter came into the studio first we did their hair and make up (a little mini pamper session just for the girls) then in the last 45min dad and the boys came in and we created outstanding family portraits. The girls had mother/daughter time together and its fast enough to keep the guys happy.
And check out below for how great they look in their home, I love knowing that the images we create together are cherished artworks that will be passed down through the generations.